Sabotaging Ourselves

Dear Tori,

Today I learned that someone that had a big impact on how I understand myself and others had died. I will always appreciate his work in helping others and am thankful for his effect in my life. I had always planned on sharing with you what he taught me. Today would be a fitting day to share with you some of that.

One of them is about our Most Negative Thought About Ourselves and how it effects us.

Our Most Negative Thought About Ourselves is created when we are young. It could start to develop when we're 5 or 6 years old or maybe even as old as 11 or 12. It's developed from how we interpret our experiences. Another name for it is our Core Belief. Here's an example of some of them.

I'm not good enough
I'm not good enough as a woman
I'm not good enough as a man
I'm not wanted
I'm not enough
I'm not enough as a woman
I'm not enough as a man

There can be others as well.

These core beliefs come about through our subconscious mind and it's efforts to interpret the world around us to understand how we fit into it. It takes in the information of a situation we are in and then makes a judgment about it that relates to ourselves. We all did this as children. Unfortunately, when we are young, we may not have the knowledge, maturity and wisdom yet to understand that not everything that happens in our lives is a reflection of who we are. Here's an example, just because a mom yelled at a little girl for spilling her coffee when she tried to get into her lap, it doesn't mean that she is not wanted in her moms lap. It just means that mom was upset at the time, had a bad day and having hot coffee in her lap was not a pleasant experience and took it out on the child. But, the child didn't have the wisdom yet to understand that and her subconscious interpreted it as "Mom yelled at me for getting into her lap. I'm not wanted."

So, now that the child has had that experience and learned the wrong lesson from the situation, they go about their lives. Now, let's say a few months later another situation happens where she wants to go with daddy but he knows that she needs to stay at home with mom because he can't watch her properly where he is going. He says NO and her 5 year old subconscious incorrectly interprets the situation again in the same way. So, now the child starts building evidence to support her new belief. "Huh.. I guess I really am not wanted". While both situations were separate and had nothing to really do with how much she is wanted, and mroe about what is going on in her parents heads, her core belief is starting to develop.

Eventually, this little girl grows up and into a master at interpreting situations to support her core belief about herself. Maybe a boyfriend breaks up with her because he has his own personal issues and can't handle a relationship. In her mind, she uses it as more evidence to support her core belief that she is not wanted. "See.. I'm not wanted!". It had nothing to do with her, but unfortunately, she took it as a personal statement about herself. We all do this.

So, now that we HAVE a core belief, what we do with the feelings that are attached to it can create a great deal of self-sabotage in our lives. The little girl can grow up into a woman that always has the feeling that she is not wanted and takes it into everything that she does. This belief can create feelings that eat way at her relationships and her own self-esteem to a point that sabotage how she goes through life.

Tori, this isn't something that just happens to some people. This is very real and actually happens to all of us. We all have a core belief and we all go through this world using situations that happen in our lives to support that belief. And we all can suffer the effect of this belief if we don't recognize what we are doing.